I had the strangest dream...........

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A few nights ago I had the strangest dream.  I'm normally a pretty crazy dreamer at the best of times (I couldn't tell you how many times I've been a spy running away from all manner of things) but this particular dream really stuck with me as being both very clear and very unusual.

In this dream my Mum was asking me to write my Dad's eulogy.  The weird thing is that my Dad is not suffering from any terminal illness nor was he in the dream.  I questioned my Mum about this strange request, I couldn't understand why she wanted me to write a eulogy for someone who wasn't dying but she was adamant.   I then spoke to my sister about the request who recommended that I just write it to keep Mum happy.  I responded that writing a eulogy would take like 2 hours and I had other things to do.  It was at this point that I woke up.

Later on that morning when I had had a chance to reflect on the dream it brought up so many things that I needed to think about.  Firstly it brought into sharp focus some of the wisdom I had gleaned from reading Tuesdays with Morrie: An old man, a young man and life's greatest lessons, by Mitch Albom.  Tuesdays with Morrie is a beautiful story about a sociology lecturer who was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease and as a result his body began to slowly shut down.  Morrie was well aware that he was going to die and was determined to share the things that he was learning through the process of dying with the world to make us more aware of the precious gift of life.

I learned so many things from this book and everyone that I have spoken to who has read this book has taken different things from it.  The main thing for me was the understanding and acceptance that yes we are all going to die some day and most of us won't know when and some of us will go quite unexpectedly.  For me there were a couple of key lines that have stuck with me from this book.  The one that really resonated with this dream was when Morrie suggested we all imagine a little bird on our shoulder that asks us each morning "Is today the day?" He recommended using this little visualization to remind us that each and every day could be our last and that it would be wise to live each day fully aware of each moment and making the most of every minute we have. 

We had a friend a couple of years ago and although he wasn't a close friend he was someone we really liked and although I was keen to get to know him better and develop the friendship I didn't want to push it rationalizing that we had years to create that connection.  That friend passed away suddenly not long after and those years I imagined making use of were gone in an instant.  If only we had known of the limited time that we had available to us, we certainly would have done things differently.

This dream drove home to me that not only could any day be my last but it could also be the last of those who are nearest and dearest to me.  It made me think that if someone who means the world to me like my Dad was to pass away tomorrow what would be the thing that I regret.  The answer for me, and I'm sure most people, is that I would most regret never telling my Dad exactly how much he means to me and how much I appreciate all of the hard work and sacrifices that he has made for us over the years.  Wow.  Kind of sounds like the stuff you would say in a eulogy doesn't it?

I could pass this dream off as just another crazy dream or I could see it for what it really was, my mind saying to me "Hang on.  You read that book and yet you still haven't made any changes to your life or the way you relate to people."  Not only did it give me this very clear reminder but also gave me the means to make one change.  Instead of writing a eulogy for my Dad I am going to write him a testimonial and in it I will say all of those beautiful things that people seem to only get the chance to say in a eulogy but I will get to say them to him directly.  I will make sure that he always knows exactly what he means to me and every time I speak to him I will make sure that it is with love as you never do know if the next time could be the last. 

After I have done this for my Dad I will do the same for my Mum, my grandparents, my husband, children, brother, sister and everyone who makes my life special.  That way if my time comes unexpectedly or the time of someone I love, I can take comfort in the thought that I won't be plagued by that one great regret and in the meantime I will have the beautiful experience of appreciating and uplifting the ones I love.

I hope like me that you don't see this as morbid but as an opportunity to really start to live your life the way you would like to every day by seeing life for the precious daily gift that it is.

Have you had a dream that has caused you to make changes in your life?  If so tell me about it.

Tap, tap, tap it away

I must admit.  When my sister introduced me to the idea of tapping a little while back I was sceptical.  Very, very sceptical.  The idea that simply tapping on specific areas of your body could magically make your problems disappear to me sounded absolutely ridiculous.  Imagine my surprise then when I found myself signing up for the 2013 Tapping World Summit!! I'm still not sure why I did it but I'm so glad I did.

The ideas behind tapping were originally developed by a psychologist Dr. Roger Callahan to help with some of his clients who were struggling to move through some emotional issues.  He called the process the Callahan technique Thought Field Therapy (TFT.)  He found that a client who had spent a long time with him trying to work through an anxiety issue found themselves much less anxious after only 1 session of TFT.  

The process was then adopted by many more practitioners including Nick Ortner and Jack Canfield and the name was changed to Emotional Freedom Technique or more simply just tapping.  The idea of tapping is that   by tapping specific areas of the body which are based on Traditional Chinese Medicine acupressure or meridian points while talking about the specific issue that is bothering you you are able to reprogram the brain to be less affected by the specific issue.  Proponents of tapping have stated that there is now research that shows that tapping actually affects the brain's amygdala response.  

The amaygdala is the part of the brain that stimulates the fight or flight reaction in response to stressful stimuli.  Normally if there is something in your life that is causing you some grief, thinking about it will light up the amygdala region of the brain putting the body into fight or flight mode.  Apparently researchers found that the process of tapping actually disengages the amygdala while thinking about the stressful stimuli meaning that you are able to effectively reprogram your brain to be less stressed out by the normally stressful situation. To see how tapping is done please watch the below video.

Speakers at the 2013 Tapping World Summit have claimed to have used tapping with clients to help to heal a huge variety of concerns both mental and physical such as guilt, phobias, addictions, fears, physical pain, illness and weight loss.  They believe that all problems have an emotional base and by working through and tapping away that emotion the situation can be improved. 

I have listened to speakers over the last few days talk about using tapping for weight loss, body image issues, self love and ending self sabotaging behaviors and have had my eyes opened to the emotions that hide behind a lot of our issues.  I have tapped away with the speakers and have found that over the last couple of days I have felt calmer and much more centered as I have started to deal with some of the emotions that I had been hiding deep down.

The Tapping World Summit is on until the 13th of March and is free to register.  If you're interested in finding out more about this technique and the different ways that it can be used in your life then join up  here and listen to each day's downloads at a time that suits you.  Just ensure that you watch the introductory video first otherwise you will find yourself a bit lost.  I highly recommend having a look at this after all you have nothing to lose and heaps to gain.  I still have no idea what made me sign up for this summit but I can see tapping having a big impact on my life.

You balance buddy

Renae X

Hung up on housework?

Now where's that kit kat?

So here I am at home exhausted but happy after spending a few days cleaning my home with the energy that has returned with the second trimester of my pregnancy.  Happy I said, more like completely chuffed with myself.  The floors were done, the kitchen fully cleaned out and organised, the furniture was polished, the kid's rooms were spotless and the bathrooms were sparkling.  The house looked amazing for the first time in a long while and I was loving it.

Now let's rewind back and have a look at the last few months when I was completely zonked with early pregnancy and the constant nausea taking it's toll on me.  The house was never a bomb site but it was also never amazing and I felt this everyday as disappointment in myself for not being able to stay as on top of things as I would have liked.  

I found myself often in tears and yelling at my darling boy as he had yet again decided to change our carpet from white to psychadelic with whatever tools he had at hand (wax crayon, fruit juice, playdough, whatever he could get his hands on really.)  I took every attempt from my children to mess with the tidiness of my house as a personal insult and when they really trashed it I felt hopeless defeat for a while.

Seriously who buys white carpet?

Now as I stood there feeling chuffed about my amazingly clean looking abode it occurred to me that I had invested a lot of myself and my self esteem in my ability to keep a tidy home.  It might seem like something reasonably harmless and that heaps of people do but when you stop to think about it it's completely crazy.  I was investing my sense of wellbeing and happiness in something that not only has no affect whatsoever on the fate of mankind (my ruling stick for the import of anything,) but was also totally at the mercy of two children, my energy levels and my schedule.  In hindsight really not that clever.

Buddha amongst his many teachings brought us the idea that human suffering was caused by either attachment or aversion.  Attachment to things that we have or desire and aversion to those things we don't want.  Buddha taught his disciples that to achieve true happiness we need to rid ourselves of our attachments and aversions.  He wasn't suggesting that we never want for anything ever again but that we didn't attach ourselves or our current or future happiness to that desire.

Buddha also taught us about impermanence.  The fact that nothing in this universe including ourselves is here forever and that even the giant mountain of today will be a slightly different mountain tomorrow as it is affected by it's environment so that one day it may be worn away to nothing.  

Understanding the implications of impermanence helps us to let go of our attachments and aversions as we understand that those things that we feel we can't be happy without won't last nor will the happiness that comes with attaining them.  Also those things that we waste energy on hating, wishing away or avoiding will also not last and we can accept that with  time the cause of our aversion or our aversion itself will simply cease to be.

What does this have to do with my housework scenario? Everything.  I had attached myself and my happiness to having to have a clean home.  When my home was clean, I was content with this aspect of myself and would allow myself happiness until as is inevitable this condition for happiness goes away and I am back to denying myself happiness until the condition is restored.

So what to do?  While I don't endorse never cleaning your house again as keeping a clean home helps to ensure a safe and healthy environment for us and our families, I am suggesting that my sense of wellbeing is to no longer be impacted by the condition of having a clean home or not.  Now that I have awareness of my actions I can understand that while my home may not be as clean as I would like, this condition will not last and so I needn't waste my energy and happiness on wishing it to be different.

Gimme, gimme, gimme

I've talked about having a clean home but there are many different ways we display attachments and aversions that will be manifesting themselves in my life and yours.  Do you feel ashamed of yourself when unable to stick to your chosen eating plan and totally pumped when you get it right?  Do you think of yourself as a queen or king when you have achieved that longed for figure/muscle tone and a dog when your body looks different to this ideal?  Is your sense of self love affected by the behavior of your children, state of your bank balance, prestige of your occupation, make of your car?  The list goes on.

My challenge for myself over the next week and I hope you'll join me is to look at those things we have attached our sense of wellbeing to, list them down and then get real with ourselves about the impermanence of these things and the craziness of attaching our happiness to them.  I reiterate again that I am not asking you to stop working on a healthier you or stop working but to understand that these things are not you and you are not them.

Good luck and if you like what you read don't forget to follow my blog by subscribing at the top of this page.

Your balance buddy

Renae X

P.S Is there anything you can think of straight away that you have unknowingly attached yourself to?

Empowering Women with Louise L Hay

Empowering Women

Louise L. Hay

1997, Hodder

Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical lecturer and teacher and the bestselling author of so many amazing books.  She has founded Hay House publishing which publishes masses of personal development and spiritual books and Hay House radio which is an internet based radio show that features radio programs with her most popular authors.  Any one who has decided to start reading about personal growth would have come across Louise at some point.

Louise is infamous for her use of mirror work and affirmations to help people to change their subconscious thoughts and to re-write the negative self talk that we so often have running through our minds.  

Louise describes Empowering women as a book to help women reach their full potential.  She has used all of her tried and true basic methods and added many new ideas to help her on this mission.

Louise starts by taking us through the programming that women have been subjected to in the past and which still haunts us to this day.  By highlighting some of these old beliefs Louise really throws the light on them and enables the reader to understand some of the beliefs that may be holding women back.  Louise also takes some time going through the messages that advertising is sending to modern day women and again throws light on some of these potentially stifling beliefs.

From here we move into the crux of the book which is basically a step by step guide to changing your beliefs and turning your self talk into positive self talk.  As Louise says 

".....my belief is that the thoughts we think, the words we speak, and the beliefs we hold are very powerful.  They shape our experiences and our lives.  It is almost as if every time we think a thought or speak a word, the Universe is listening and responding to us.  So if there is something in our life that we do not, then we have the power to make changes."

Louise doesn't just talk the talk either, every tool that she uses and every thing she teaches us comes from the intense struggle that she has faced from a difficult childhood which included incest and the subsequent course of her life that has taken her from being a "bitter, fearful, poor, negative woman."  To being the positive powerhouse that she is today.

The book talks about parenting to ensure we do not repeat the same conditioning of the past, Creating Your Own Good Health (a specialty subject of Louise's for more info see You Can Heal Your Life), Exploring Sexuality, Sexual Harassment  Getting Older and finishes the book off with book with amazing Australian based resources for women and a recommendation of more books to read on the subject.

Now I know what you're probably thinking.  This book is for man haters or for women who are clearly down trodden by the men in their life and living the old stereo types.  Both simply aren't true.  Louise says quite clearly that lifting up women is not about bringing down men as we have both played a part in getting us to this current situation.  It is also most definitely an eye opening read for all women as some of this conditioning is so ingrained that I think most of us have no idea it's even there.  

This book will make big changes for any woman who is looking to increasing her own self esteem and self belief and is willing to take responsibility for their life where it is right now and go through the tough process of rebuilding their own self talk.  The work is confronting and difficult but if you stick through it you should find that you are rewarded with a life you can be proud of. I'll leave you with the book's last statement to help you decide if it's something you're willing to work for.

"Inside of you is a smart, powerful, dynamic, capable, self-confident, alive, alert, fabulous woman.  Let her come out and play.  The world is waiting for you."

My life out of Balance

On the surface I guess you could say that I'm someone who already has a pretty balanced life.  Like most people I'm good at hiding the ugly truth from the general public so as to present a picture of a happy, healthy and on top of everything person.  I am coming to learn that not only does this do me a disservice as it robs me of the opportunity to live truthfully fully accepting where I am in life right now but it also stops me from asking for help sometimes when it's desperately needed.  

This also does others a disservice as they do not get the opportunity to get to know the real me and they are also robbed of the opportunity to offer me help as people like to have the opportunity to help others where possible.  I know this is the truth for me and I'm sure it is also for many others.  It gives us a lasting sense of inner happiness when we can help ease the suffering of others.  Why let pride get in the way of giving someone that opportunity?

So the ugly truth is that although I seem to lack for nothing, in reality my life is full of some gaping holes.  I lack energy, I lack passion, I lack respect for my true self, I lack time to be present with my children, I lack respect for my own limitations, I lack the ability to ask for help, I lack the ability to maintain a way of eating that fully supports my body, I lack the will to exercise some days even though I love it, somedays I even lack the ability to be happy.  This is not how I want to live my life.

Now before you think OMG here we go this blog is going to be one gigantic whinge fest.  I also have many, many, many wonderful things in my life that I am truly grateful for every day and can always access this gratitude.  I also understand that I really lack for nothing as I already have inside me the ability to have all of these things. 

The purpose of this blog is to track my journey as I tap into my inner abilities to create what I desire in my life and to lose those things that do not serve me.  I hope that in discovering this I can help some of you to do the same for yourselves.  At the very least there will be some kick ass recipes, some interesting challenges and natural living advice that I'm sure everyone can take something from.

So get on board by subscribing on your top right and together lets start accessing our full potential and living our best lives, not our perfect lives but our best lives.

Today's question for you:

What are those things that you feel is missing from your life that you want to uncover?

Your balance buddy

Renae X